i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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