My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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