dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize