You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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