My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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