You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
In America we eat man semen.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
