I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
