I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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