Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I need a beard to bite.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
