I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
