After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
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Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
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Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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