So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
