There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
