Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
