Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
