I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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