I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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