Where is the hickey?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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