oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
