Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
