When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
