so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
