so explain again why im purple
no
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If I die, sorry about rent.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
