Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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