3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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