my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
