Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
