Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
