You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
