Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
