i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
