I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
