I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
