I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
