his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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