Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
