We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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