I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
