My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
