Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill