First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......