I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
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Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.