as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES