Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
These Medical Professionals Recall the Worst Cases of Hypochondria They’ve Seen
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.