I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.