I am in a vortex of obligation.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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