omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
