Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
