I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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