Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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