It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
