and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He passed out mid-signature
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
