good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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