my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
