i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
