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• (813): View more from Florida

  Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.

  Fav 9 3649 1181

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.

  Fav 2 3382 1736

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  That's science, my friend. Boner science.

  Fav 7 3394 1336

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.

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  These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?

  Fav 6 1475 874

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.

  Fav 3 1068 2195

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  ...oh my god that's like anal suicide

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.

  Fav 9 922 2070

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about

  Fav 5 1469 871

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• (352): View more from Florida

  The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"

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  21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  It's a journey

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  And the destination is his penis?

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Precisely.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.

  Fav 3 110 10

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.

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