Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
