I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face