tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
