So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Boobs are out for the taking
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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