i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
