Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
