I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
