my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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