I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
