Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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