it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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