You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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