Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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