You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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