i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
