he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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